Fun With Spam

Ah, the phishy school of spammers recently returned to the fertile feeding ground that is my blog. Here are some recent residents of my spam queue that brought a smile to my face.

“Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?” — Most long-time followers know I have never uploaded a video to this blog. (The rare link to a video can be found at the end of this post.) Are you someone who hates doing research? Can’t be bothered with facts? A career in spamming may be what you’re looking for. No attention to details necessary.

“I am not very wonderful with English but I line up this real easygoing to understand .” — At least this spammer is honest about his or her language skills. We’ll return to this subject with an important service announcement at the end of this post.

“Nice read. I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. He actually bought me lunch as I found it for him! Therefore let me rephrase: Thanx for lunch!” — This was on my “Status Update” post. Someone was researching my status on my book writing? Wow. I must have more of a following than I thought. 😉 Hope they enjoyed the free meal.

“simply wanted to comment on your wonderfully designed website, awesome job!” — I believe in giving credit where credit is due. So kudos to the folks at Frostpress, who designed the Comet Theme that I use. I’m sure it will make their day to know that spammers admire their web designs.

“I dugg some of you post as I thought they were handy handy” — I guess two handies are better than one. But please do not use them to digg me.

“Hello! This really is my own 1st remark right here so I simply wanted to present a quick scream away along with let you know I honestly enjoy looking at your blog post content. Are you able to advise some other websites And websites Per community forums that go over a similar subjects? Be thankful!” — Oh, boy. This one came from a site that clearly states it’s about the good health for a certain part of the male anatomy. I don’t know if that’s why they “wanted to present a quick scream away,” but I really don’t think I can help them with web sites related to theirs….

“yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a high risk determination great post! .” — Darn. Wouldn’t it be more fun if our blogs WERE high risk determinations? What a great way to add some virtual danger to our daily lives, don’t you think?

“Thank you, I’ve recently been looking for info approximately this topic for a long time and yours is the best I’ve discovered so far. However, what concerning the conclusion? Are you positive in regards to the source?” — Well, since this is my blog about my writing, yes, I am positive in regards to the source. Appropriately enough, this “comment” was meant to be left on my “Spamapalooza” post.

“some genuinely good info , Gladiolus I discovered this.” — I nearly spit coffee on my computer with this one. I’m so gladiolus they found three sentences that simply describe the accompanying pages to be so genuinely good.

“I like this web site its a master peace ! .” — Aw, gosh, a master peace? I’d better start preparing an acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize that will surely come my way. Drat, something else to cut into my writing time.

“some times its a pain in the ass to read what blog owners wrote but this site is very user pleasant! .” — Now what could be better than this spammer’s seal of approval for my blog? You won’t get embarrassing or unpleasant pains in your posterior region when reading my posts. If that’s not a reason to read them, I don’t know what is.

And finally, here are two posts for an important Public Service Announcement on behalf of all language instructors.

“There are certainly numerous details like that to take into consideration. That could be a great point to bring up. I offer the thoughts above as common inspiration however clearly there are questions just like the one you bring up where crucial factor might be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if greatest practices have emerged round issues like that, however I’m positive that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls really feel the influence of just a moment’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.” — and

“Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all appear to get one thing done.”

Let these be a lesson to all of us not to rely too heavily on translation programs. Please be sure to consult with a language professional before posting in a language that is unknown to you, lest you find yourself in John Cleese’s position in this classic Monty Python skit.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Have a wonderful day.

39 thoughts on “Fun With Spam

    • It’s often good for a laugh. But I’m also very glad WP gets it all into that spam queue—and makes it so simple to just hit the “empty spam” button. 🙂 I wouldn’t post the stuff I get in Russian—since I don’t speak the language, I have no idea what it really says! Maybe nothing at all, but maybe something not appropriate for my blog. 🙂

      Thanks for commenting!

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    • That one was so much fun! If I was really interested, I’d try to track down some information about how the spam comments are generated. But that might take the fun out of reading them. 🙂

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        • Interesting! Does this relate to what I sometimes see in my stats? Sometimes in the “Referrers” area I’ll see links that appear to be businesses. But I don’t recognize them as any that I ever visited—things that have . bz. cm in the URLs. Did I accidentally approve a spammer’s comment at some point? Or did someone else approve one that later got linked to me?

          Inquiring minds want to know! And you are a resident expert on this!

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          • Yes, sometimes. Um, well it could be that you’ve approved a spammer’s comment, but more likely that someone’s linked to you I would imagine. These machines are churning out thousands of these spam comments on a loop, so even if they get through just a few, it’s an immediate linkback. We are really lucky that WP fishes these out and shows us, a lot of websites won’t. Lots of them are very convincing too, so it’s easy to get caught out!

            I nearly got caught out by one myself the other day, then I noticed that something didn’t seem quite right!

            Haha, well I just work a lot with SEO, so I’ve seen a lot of these underhand tactics in my time! 🙂

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  1. I am very gladiolus that you posted about spamming. It made me smile! Another favorite: “both boys and girls really feel the influence of a moment’s pleasure…” Wow. You opened my eyes to the wonderment of the (misused) English language.

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    • There are a few that I won’t even look at—I just hit “empty” as soon as I can. But thankfully there are very few of those. Most are good for a laugh. And, yes, that “boys and girls” observation is a good one!

      I look at these comments as a way to make lemonade out of lemons. 😀

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    • They want links to their sites (or the ones they represent). In the best case scenario, the spammer’s id or URL will link back to legitimate businesses to drive traffic to them and increase their rankings in search results. But sometimes those links are to sites a lot of people don’t want to visit (even if porn is the #1 use of the internet) or to “shadier” endeavors to get information about us.

      As Limebirdbeth noted above, WordPress does a very good job of corraling the spam for us. So far, I’ve only recognized one real comment that they miscategorized as spam out of nearly 700 that they got right. I like that percentage!

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  2. I really thought these were entirely computer generated spam but recently, having used google translate more and since paying more attention to how signs and forms are translated here between Arabic, English, Tagalog, Hindi and Urdu…I think maybe they’re translated into English using an online translator, which always sounds like overly frilly gibberish. Maybe some aren’t spam, just admirers from abroad? 🙂

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    • It’s possible someone could be relying on an online translator and getting flagged as spam. But when I look at the comments and compare them to the posts they were meant to be attached to, there’s usually no good match. Like the “gladiolus” one being “genuinely good” information. The page it was meant for really is 3 sentences explaining that the sub-pages contain character clips from a novel.

      Some spammers are very good, and I wonder if one or two may have gotten by me. Hopefully real people abroad leaving real comments aren’t falling through the cracks, though!

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  3. Now you KNOW you have to work “gladiolus” and “handy handy” into your works of fiction, don’t you? If you become a bestseller, everyone will be quoting you, which will make you hotty hotty.

    Thanks for some genuine laughs. 🙂

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    • Hmm, maybe someone will be a gardener in one of them…. But handy handy? That’s gonna be a bit harder! Me hotty hotty? Sounds nifty nifty, but I won’t hold my breathy breathy!

      Or maybe someone in a sequel can read some spam like this while drinking their morning coffee….

      Starts taking notes…. Thanks for the idea! 🙂

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    • A few are best left unseen. But most are just funny like these. You can find the spam queue in the upper lefthand box of your Dashboard called “Right Now.” Under “Discussion” you’ll see how many spam you’ve got. Clicking on it will take you to the spam queue where you can read them (if you want) and then empty them.

      Thanks for commenting!

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    • I’m gladiolus that I found yours, too! And that people are having a good laugh with these posts. I might do more now and again when good funny spam comes my way. But now I need to finish up a more writerly oriented post for Saturday! 🙂

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  4. See, I was going to be all knowledgeable about these not being real people, when I saw my mentor limbirdbeth’s comments above outing me as only just having learnt this from her! All I can say is step away from the spam folder and do some proper work!

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    • Yes, Limebirdbeth is always on top of things! Anything half-way coherent-sounding that I say about spam and search engines and such is because of the great Limebird posts!

      Now that I’m home from the office, I will do some proper (writing-related) work. Although that spam folder can be so entertaining…. And then there’s checking to see where the site visits came from on the world map…. Or what search terms brought people to the blog today…. Future posts! 🙂

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  5. This was a wonderful distraction from the doldrums of life, thanks JM for making me laugh. I love the Monty Python vid, too. I wonder why those companies that use spam don’t try to do it in a more realistic way, so that more people would click on their links? Or, why rely on spam at all, I guess is the point, and then that should tell me the companies aren’t good to begin with? Am I catching on? I guess I just don’t understand why go to such trouble to only come off looking completely ridiculous?

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    • I’ve never understood a lot of “mainstream” advertising, so spam seems like an extension of that to me in some ways. Limebirdbeth might be able to answer that one! Maybe it’s easier and cheaper to flood cyberspace with poor-quality advertising than to do real and good-quality work? After several years of nothing, my hotmail junk folder now has daily emails again for men to improve on their assets, so to speak, or how to get meds from Canadian pharmacies. Delete, delete, delete!

      But at least most of the spam comments I get on the blog are good for some laughs!

      PS—part of the writing-related work I mentioned in my reply to Sally is continuing my second read of your manuscript—which counts more as a fun thing to do than work. 🙂

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      • I’m happy to know that a second read counts as fun, phew! I’m close to finishing my first go-thru of yours, and will be on a second read probably by Friday. I stayed up past my bedtime reading it last night because I didn’t want to put it down! 🙂

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        • That’s what every writer wants to hear! 🙂

          And your book definitely kept my interest throughout my entire first read. It still does on the second, too. 🙂

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    • I really thought all of us at WordPress would get similar spam. But it doesn’t seem like that’s the case. Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones? Or do other people hardly get any?

      But I like to turn it on its head now and again and make a fun post out of it. I can only imagine what the Monty Python crew would do with it if they were writing their material today!

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  6. Interesting! I can’t help but laugh as this reminds me of the numerous comments in my spam. Some are quite similar with the ones I’ve received but trust me, there are a lot more that just keep me laughing! Lovely post!

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  7. I want to write a story where all the characters are ‘bots. NPR ran a story last fall about an experiment at Stanford University where they had ‘bots have a conversation. It was hilarious, ending in ‘you are a unicorn’. The response was ‘I’m not a unicorn, you are.’

    It’s nice to know ‘bots clueless in conversations to. 🙂

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    • That sounds like a cool story. I vaguely remember an article from the early days of ‘artificial intelligence’ where a computer responded to a question with “time flies like an arrow.” It didn’t make sense to the guys in white coats until they realized it was like an analogy to “fruit flies like bananas.” The computer must have “thought” there were things called “time flies” that liked arrows.

      I got more hilarious spam yesterday that I plan to tack onto Saturday’s post as a “PS.” I can’t keep writing full posts about it, but some of it is just too funny. 🙂

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  8. This is just so funny – thank you for drawing my attention to it. Who knew? I thought all my spam got filtered out, but I’ll be looking more closely in future…. 🙂

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    • Oh, these do get filtered—I just enjoy reading them in the spam queue before I click “empty spam.” The biggest laugh usually comes when I look at which post they were meant to comment on. It’s usually so unrelated to the supposed comment! Just be careful if you’re drinking anything while you read them—it can be hazardous for the computer screen. 🙂

      Some can sound real, which is one reason why I moderate new posters comments before letting them onto the blog.

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